A Little Prayer

Okay, so as hard as this is to believe I am not perfect.
Crazy huh?!
In fact on the spectrum of "needs a lot of work" to "practically perfect in every way", I am closer to the left...

Well the other day I was talking to God about this.
There are so many things I feel like I need help with.
I am impulsive and moody.
I am stubborn and judgmental.
I am prone to tunnel vision...the list goes on.

I just think it is important for the boys to know that I am human too. I thought I would blog some of my thought process so they can go back and reflect on that.
Or, to at least this can demonstrate that I am trying here!

~tangent~

During one of the inevitable sibling battles that took place this week I just lost it.
Like I pulled a page out of my own mother's handbook. (which I vowed to never do)
I said, "You know what? You guys figure it out" and with that walked out of their room.
I was disappointed in myself because I believe in walking them through their problems. Facilitating conversations so they can identify each others' viewpoints.
I am working on just all-in-all being more present in my parenting, and this was NOT being present.

After awhile they both came in and apologized to me for making me upset.
This was slightly unexpected.
I mean, I always make them apologize to each other after an argument, but for them to unprompted come and admit they were in the wrong...Ahh, lets just say it brings a tear to my eye. *Sniff*

Silly I know, but its amazing how much you wonder (as a parent) about your (sometimes obsessive) over correcting actually sticking and creating positive behaviors in your children.
And there it was. 
BAM!
A small proof, that at least, they know when they have pushed me too far. *Victory dance*

~ tangent over~

The more I let this experience resonate with me the more I came to realize that God must have many moments like this with me. Where he can proudly say, "Oh look she's finally getting it!"

Now I may just be one of those weird people that attach meaning to things, when really there doesn't seem to be any meaning there to anyone else.
But, so far this has been a positive thing in my life.
Attaching meaning to seemingly meaningless things. (you still with me?)
Well here is a for instance...
When I see a rainbow in the sky, I tell God thank you.
Like it was put there just for me.

Or, when someone is driving me crazy and I am very close to screaming my brains out, I can just crawl into the calmness there in my heart and say, "Okay God, what are trying to teach me right now?"

Well, lately my universe has been telling me to focus on thankfulness.

It is hard sometimes to not feel like you are falling short.
Whether it is in your relationship with your spouse, or the parenting of your children sometimes you just sit back and question if you are enough. Am I doing enough?

I am thankful that lately I have finally accepted that I am enough. I have accepted that things do not have to be perfect. In fact there is so much beauty in those moments that we do not plan.
Thank you Lord for opening my eyes and heart to this.

I am thankful for those teachable moments with my children. The ones that I am not sure how or if  I will survive, but then somehow do. Through my children I have a better understanding of my spiritual journey. The ups and downs of free choice.
Thank you Lord for unconditional love.

An example of one of those times...

Thank you for making me work so hard to get what I want. I know that has helped me appreciate what I have so much. I am thankful to want for just what I need, rather than having a nagging feeling of always wanting more.
I am satisfied.
It is wonderful.
Thank you Lord for letting me achieve my goals.

Thank you Lord for putting me in my place.
There is nothing better than being knocked off of your pedal stool to know how to better serve those around you. I thankful to have a willingness and desire to serve those around me.
Thank  you lord for a servants heart.

So my conversation with God the other day went something a little like this...

Oh Heavenly Father, I know there is so much more to learn.
I know I have a long way to go.
I am just grateful I can stop and appreciate the way You have worked in my life.
Accepting that I am perfectly imperfect, you love me still. Can I just say that is awesome!
AMEN.

Now if I can just keep this feeling of reverence with me throughout the days and interactions with others.
Just realizing we all have a WORK-IN-PROGRESS sign invisibly attached to us eases my stress.
Thankfully I also have a great sense of humor.
:)